we're blogging at a bar
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
