I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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