I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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