He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
