brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
