not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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