Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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