Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
