its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
