Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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