OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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