I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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