Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
