It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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