you're like a bully in the Christmas story
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize