Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
