I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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