I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
