I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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