just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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