I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
