The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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