How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Randomize
