dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
