4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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