just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize