My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
