just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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