I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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