did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
