Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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