you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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