Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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