he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
