you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
is wine microwaveable?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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