you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
