When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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