The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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