Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
