Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
