it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
