So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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