i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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