my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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