you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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