You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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