i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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