Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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