A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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