About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
