I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
