the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
im six kinds of drunk right now
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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