i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Also, beer. Big fan.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
