he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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