I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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