Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
