wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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