oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
