Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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